Knowing When to Walk Away
The hardest thing I’ve ever done was walking away from something I loved.
Last month I chose to walk away from my church. At first, I felt like I was giving up, but deep down I knew that wasn’t true. I gave countless hours to my roles within the church and felt deeply a part of the community. I loved this place and these people. However, there were things that began to weigh on me, and I could no longer ignore the mismatch with my values of empathy, integrity, and respect.
After much reflection, I decided it was time to walk away. I left because I didn’t align with leadership, I didn’t feel respected, it wasn’t fun anymore, and honestly, I knew I deserved better.
“Learning to walk away is hard but staying to suffer is harder.” - Mariel Avila
Since leaving, I’ve given a lot of thought to other things I’ve walked away from in my life- people, places, circumstances, etc. At some point I loved all of them, but to be true to myself, I had to let them go.
Each time I walked away, I learned something new: my worth, my values, my non-negotiables, and many valuable lessons. Each time I walked away, I was walking toward myself.
The work
If you don’t know what’s important to you and you treat yourself like crap, it’s going to be hard to walk away from shitty situations.
If this is you, here is your homework:
First, define your values
➡️ Go to your favorite search engine (i.e. google) and search for a “list of values” and select one.
➡️ Now, choose 3-5 values that are most important to you. It might be difficult but narrow it down for clarity.
➡️ Write these values on a sticky note and put them somewhere that you will see them often, like your desk or mirror.
➡️ Practice making choices that align with these values. For example, if one of your values is “nature” perhaps you will invite a friend to hike this weekend instead of going out to eat. The more you practice, the easier it gets.
Second, start being nice to yourself
✍️ If negative self-talk is your m.o., write down one thing you like about yourself and put it on your bathroom mirror.
🪞 Read it out loud every day.
Both activities are ways for you to begin aligning with yourself. The more you practice them, the more you will begin to live a life you love. You will find it easier to choose things that bring you joy and walk away from things that don’t.
Wrap up
For the record, it took me a long time to learn that I’m a good person and deserve to live a fulfilling life. Once I started using the power of my choices to align with the life I want to live (and believing I deserved it) so many things fell into place. The most recent being that I’ve found a wonderful new spiritual community that’s even closer to home!
This experience reminded me that there can be something so beautiful on the other side of your most difficult decision to walk away, you just need take the first step.
With love, Jess